There was this movie out several years ago, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and I loved it. I still think about it, and I'm thinking about it this morning. I got up with Drew at about 5:30 and after feeding him came downstairs to do his CPT. Instead of turning on the news, I queued up my Pandora Radio and it was like the flood gates to a million memories came flowing out. It was just what I needed this morning.
In Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, a girl has her memory erased after a bad fight with her boyfriend. Upon learning this, the boyfriend decides he too wants to have this procedure done, as he doesn't want to hold on to memories of a girl that doesn't even remember he exists. The procedure involves being put under and going back in your mind through each and every memory, good and bad, and reliving them before they are permanently erased. While going through this procedure, he is able to recognize that even though there were bad times there were a lot of good times as well that he doesn't want to forget. He wants to stop the erasing process, but its to late.
I remember going through lots of things in my life that I had wished, at times, had never happened. But I'd glad they all did and I'd never want to forget any of them. They've shaped me and taught me and put me where I am today. I had often looked back on my life and thought what if I had chosen a different college, what if I had married that boyfriend I had sworn I was destined to be with forever, what if I hadn't moved to Cincinnati, and on and on and on. It really really puts things into perspective.
I can't imagine going through what we've been going through with anyone but Martin. I can't imagine having any 3 kids other than the ones I've got. Our families and our friends are just perfect. And everything and everyone that I've come across in the past has helped me to land just where we are today. And those who aren't a part of my life anymore, for whatever reason, I don't want to forget them. I don't want a spotless mind, as tempting as it sometimes sounds.