Time and Attention

Treatments have gotten harder lately. Not harder in that Drew doesn't want to do them, but harder in that Drew doesn't want to do them without sitting on my lap. And with 3 other kids needing my attention it's just gotten hard. He's always sat with someone to do them, but usually in the morning either Martin is here to help with the others or I can do them after I drop Ella off at school while Jake is sleeping, and in the evening Martin is home as well. Now, between school being out and Drew being sick and Jake seemingly wanting to eat ever 35 seconds, I feel like I'm glued to the couch and I can recite every line to Toy Story (1, 2 and 3). And I feel like Drew deserves my attention while he's sitting here, 3 times a day for 45min. He didn't ask for this and certainly doesn't want to stop playing with his trucks to do it as often as he had to. But the girls get the short end of the stick too, being told to wait all the time or getting in trouble for misbehavior that happens while I'm not watching. It's not really fair to them either. I sometimes feel like the only "quality time" Drew gets is while he's doing his treatments, and by "quality time" I mean time sitting on my lap watching TV - decidedly not QT. However, trying to squeeze in that time to play with each kid, individually or just aside from the rest of the group is tough. I make a lot of promises for later that are rarely followed through on because someone always needs a diaper change or a drink refill or a boo boo kissed. And I feel bad about it all. There's a part of me that wants to spend some time for me too, but it always gets put below something else because there never seems to be enough time. This is what I hate about CF.

I'm going to try this summer to make the most of the time we have to play. The phone will be put down and I'll try my hardest to plan ahead so as to be ready to, for example, go to the park when the baby is fed and diapers are changed and treatments are done. I know everyone around here is happier when they just get a little attention. I like to (and need to sometimes) sit down and drink a cup of coffee and do nothing for an hour, but the days where I take a 5 minute break I end up 5 minutes behind schedule and things get missed and life begins to snowball.

I don't mean to complain. I sometimes just wish this was all a little easier. I notoriously over extend myself with extracurricular activities, but it's all with good intent. Hopefully as we get a little deeper into our summer groove I'll start feeling better about everything. Of course by that time school will be ready to start again!


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