Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Ostomy Chronicles, Part 568

So yesterday we had a doctor appointment. We have a travel "ostomy changing kit" that we put together with the supplies we would need should the bag leak when we are out of the house. Mind you that the only times we have left the house with Drew have been to go to the doctor. And yes, all three times now, the bag which was perfectly secure just moments before leaving the house, has leaked within moments of arriving at the doctors office. Here's how yesterday went...

With the goal of arriving to the doctor on time (12:45), we packed the bag the night before. Thursday morning, we went along with our routine as usual. I planned to leave the house by noon so that I could get over there, get the kids inside (Lily comes along when they appointments will be long so that I can nurse her), get Drew fed (he was due at 1 so I wanted to get him fed a little early to avoid the chaos of what is feed him during the appointment) and be ready to go at 12:45. Once again, the best laid plans...

We pulled into the parking garage at 12:25. I decided it would be easier to get inside and feed Drew rather than trying to feed him in the car. The double stroller, incase you've never used one, is quite a piece of equipment. Good thing both kids are strapped securely into carseats and the carseats just snap into this apparatus, because they need the safety and support with how many corners I misjudge or walls I run into, forgetting the sheer length of this thing.

We got inside, and Lily immediately started screaming. (Suck on your paci Lily, Mommy needs to feed Drew). With 1 hand holding a pacifyer in Lily's mouth, and Drew in my other arm, I had to get the bottle out of the cooler bag, get out a spoon, the applesauce and a capsule of enzymes, open the enzymes and very carefully and pour them onto the spoon so as to not lose any, get Drew to eat them, and then get the bottle in. Lily didn't want the paci, Lily wanted to be held, but I was out of arms and Martin wasn't there yet. Either the Social Worker on the team knew we were coming (she usually comes to greet us) or she heard the commotion in the waiting room and thought help was needed. She picked up Lily until Martin got there. Drew has now eaten about half an ounce.

The nurse calls us back for a vitals check. Down to his diaper. DAMN YOU BAG!!! Yup, bag is leaking. Clothes are covered in poop. Drew is screaming because hes hungry and I gave him a teaser. Hooray! His weight is up! Okay, please give us a room so that we can get this thing changed and continue feeding him. I swear they put us in the smallest room there. Picture your garage when your car is parked in there. Now, bring in a doctor, a nurse, two parents and two screaming children. The stroller is seriously huge. We got the bag off, the poop wiped up, the wet diaper off, new outfit and DAMN YOU WEINER!!! Pee everywhere. Pick up Drew. Move everything off the table so that we can take off the wet crinkly paper and put nice new dry paper on the table. Finally got the bag changed and a new diaper and outfit on. Put the bottle back in Drew's mouth and puke. All over his new clean dry outfit. Well, we thought we had packed everything but the kitchen sink, but apparently with twins there isn't a diaper bag big enough to bring everything you MIGHT need. Luckily we were able to dry him off enough that we didn't need to put him in Lily's backup outfit.

We met with the doctor and everyone else there that we meet with, and just as we are ready to leave the nurse comes back in to remind us that we never actually got his vitals.

Now you can all understand why we don't leave the house.

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